he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My legs feel like baby dolphins
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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