Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
