i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
only you would photoshop your dick
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
