You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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