weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
