i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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