yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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