Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
