I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
