Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
