My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
