She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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