drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I FOUND THE LEGS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
