one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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