I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
