ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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