Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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