my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
