so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
