i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
