I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
