i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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