Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
