At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
