She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
