that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
3pm strippers are depressing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
