The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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