shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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