I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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