Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
