Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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