Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
