Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
