It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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