Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
