I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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