Cold hands, warm shart.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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