plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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