Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
