I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
