wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
