Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I looked at my own cervix.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
