Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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