Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
