I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
