I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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