i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
