I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
