Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
