my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
